Reflection
by BlueSky509
Summary: Macavity reminisces about his past.One-shot.Not as sappy as you might think!


Disclaimer: I don't own Cats.

**A/N: Hey readers! Boy, all these amazing, emotional one-shots I've been reading recently have really gotten to me! I thought I'd try out a little one-shot based on our favourite evil cat Macavity! I like to think he has a soul sometimes...Don't forget to read and review! Enjoy!**

The night was as clear as could be. The stars were out and were twinkling away up in the heavens. The moon was almost full and was casting her pale light on the earth below. I've always loved the moon and the stars. They were just so fascinating...Mesmerizing, even. I feel like I could sit up here on the dingy roof of the warehouse and watch them all night. Of course, being Macavity, the Hidden Paw, I have very few moments to myself. I am much busier than you might think.

I sighed sadly as I rested my head on my knees, gazing up at the moon. Although she had the stars for company, the moon still looked lonely to me. She kind of reminded me of myself. I was completely and utterly alone in this world. No one wanted me. No one loved me. No one wanted anything to do with me. Why? Because I am evil. The worst of the worst. Because I am Macavity. The Hidden Paw. The Napoleon of Crime. Everyone hates me because of what I've become.

I wasn't always like this, you know. I wasn't always an insane, out of control, abusive, blood-spilling tom. I was once much like my son; Mistofelees. I was learning to control my powers and live life like a normal tom. Early on, it didn't look like I was cut out to be a magical cat. I had a lot of trouble as a young tom trying to get a hold of my powers. Everyone was always afraid of me. Afraid of what I could do to them. They thought I was _dangerous._ _Unstable._ Maybe I was, and perhaps I still am. Well, soon enough, my powers proved too much for me to bear. I knew I was slowly going insane, and I could see it in the eyes of the other tribe members.

By the time I was a full-fledged adult tom, anything could set me off. Whether it was an off-handed comment or the tone in someone's voice; it didn't matter. I hurt a lot of cats. My magic was out of control. The only thing that could calm me down somewhat was _her._ My mate. We had met and fallen in love long before my powers started going awry. She looked sort of like Mistofelees, except with more white. She was beautiful, compassionate, and placid. All the things you could want in a queen, and more. I loved her dearly, and I thought I would never do anything to hurt her.

After my son was born...That's when I started changing for the worse. I don't know what started it, and I probably never will. I felt the magic eating away at me, and leaving behind what you'd call a demon. My magic possessed me, even it though it was supposed to be the other way around. I started committing violence against my mate and son; my family disowned me. It eventually got to the point where I killed my own mate. I would have killed my son, too, if my little brother Munkustrap didn't stop me. Needless to say, not long after that incident there was a unanimous decision made to banish me. So I left. My magic quickly killed all the good that there was inside of me, leaving nothing but an empty, heartless, evil shadow of my former self. I became more notorious by the day, committing various crimes and not to mention violence.

With my awry magic came new things: a liking for blood. Not mine, of course. I also developed a passion for the art of torture. Thinking up new ways to inspire fear was like a hobby of mine. I set up camp in what is now my hideout, and I convinced others to join my reign of terror. On one of these searches to find other toms who shared my notions of evil, I met up with Demeter. She was an old friend of mine, and I knew she had a crush on me before I became mated. She told me that she still saw good in me. I will always laugh at that. The good Macavity had died a long time ago, but I wasn't going to tell her that. I figured that if I was going to spread evil among my fellow felines, I might as well have someone to take the stresses of being a magical, insane cat out on in the process. I guess that old crush never went away, because she followed me and allowed herself to love me. She had no idea what she was in for. I still find that amusing.

I just saw Demeter as a disposable stress-reliever. She saw me as a potential mate. I felt nothing for her, but she loved me. I abused her, tortured her, and even raped her. After a few months of this, I found out she was pregnant. Finding no use for a pregnant queen, I let her escape. I didn't regret a single thing I did to her until now. She still haunts me. Even worse is the fact that I never got to see my second kitten. As heartless as I am, that notion will hit me hard every time.

"What do you look like? Are you a queen or a tom? Are you magical or normal?"I whispered to myself, as if my second kitten could hear. My voice faltered so I stopped talking. I looked up at the stars again as a wave of nostalgia hit me. I wanted things to be normal sometimes; to not be a magical cat. Sometimes I wanted to reverse everything wrong that I had done. That quickly went up in flames as soon as I had thought of it. The demon that was inside of me made sure of that. All traces of emotion instantly left me as I heard someone coming up the ladder that was the only passage to the roof.

I didn't turn around to see who it was. I already knew. "What do you want, you insolent fool? Can you not see I want to be alone?"I barked viciously at the brown tabby behind me. I heard him suppress a squeak as he gulped in fear. I smirked at his reaction. I was my old self again.

"S-sir, we were w-wondering when we would g-get the details f-for O-operation J-Jellicle, Sir."The young tom stuttered. He was clearly scared of his superior.

My ginger tail twitched. Have I been up here that long? I've completely forgotten about the mission briefing to kidnap Old Deuteronomy, my father, at the Jellicle Ball in a few days. Of course I wouldn't actually hurt the old geezer, but it would still give my brother and former tribe members a run for their money. That's what I was going for. Maybe I could throw in a little tiff with my brother just for fun. I want to see if Munkustrap had gotten any better at fighting since the last time I saw him. Bast, it felt like a lifetime ago that I was play-fighting with my dear brother in the Jellicle Junkyard over some queen. I wonder if he got a mate yet?

I turned around to face the cowering henchcat. "Yes, gather everyone and tell them I'll be down in a few minutes. Dismissed."I stated as I saluted the tom. The brown tabby returned the gesture and climbed back down the ladder.

I gave one last longing look at the heavens above before I convinced myself that my self-pitying hour was over. I chuckled to myself at my predicament. Here I am, being two different toms. One good; one evil. Evil's a funny thing. It's like a terminal disease. Once you develop it, it stays with you forever. Evil changes you, and nothing can stop it. At least not in my case, anyway. Evil killed the good tom I once was. But sometimes...on beautiful, star-lit nights like this, the supposedly dead tom comes back for a spell. That's when I really look back on my past and wallow in self-pity and nostalgia. Then it's back to work, the good tom is buried once more, and everything is wrong with the world again. Just how I like it.

Sighing, I stood up and worked my way down the ladder. Happy hour was just about to begin, and I walked into the warehouse with my usual malevolent demeanor. A few of my best henchcats were waiting for me, and I would hate to keep them waiting. The fine details of Operation Jellicle needed to be worked out, after all. Those passive fools will never know what hit them!


End file.
